• Alexander Mays

The Benefits of Friendship

Updated: May 14

A gay man can kiss a friend

A straight man cannot

The importance of friendship is vital, as anyone would agree, but considering the LGBTQ+ community today, the lines between friend, partner, and fuckbuddy are consistently blurred.

Friend zoning is common lingo for individuals that don’t meet the same sexual criteria, resulting in some awkwardness after a coffee date that didn’t really go as planned.

Friend zoning between the hetero and the less hetero can also easily be employed with the simple catch phrase…”I have a girlfriend”.

A tap on the back was the indicator for me that I was the receptor of cheap sympathy one early morning in a club.

Friendships between gays are rampant with ulterior motive, and connection is often based on a scale of varying superficiality, usually justified by the socially accepted ideology of quid pro quo.

Queerphobia, and body shaming are daily practices that are amplified by the use of dating apps—where the next best thing is simply one swipe away.

Sincerity being replaced with different styles of measurement to determine the likelihood of a friendship.

Anything goes is the adopted policy for some, which is cool— if you are white.

Matters are complicated further when questions of consent, race, culture, body type and age difference are thrown into the mix, resulting in a smoothie that is not always as detoxifying as it sounds.

Exactly what defines certain sexual behavior as homosexual is also up to individual interpretation, as there are many dominant sexual partners that deny their homosexuality simply due to their chosen position being viewed as more masculine.

Many believing that receiving a blowjob from a guy doesn’t necessarily warrant a questioning of sexual identity.

What constitutes a so-called community, and what practices are encouraged are also ideas that are seemingly subjective, benefiting some while disregarding others.

Resulting in a transient sense of exclusivity that resonates with many queers living within the margins.

Ricardo Sousa, the lgbtq+ activist and influencer states that

“Friendship and nude photos aren’t directly or indirectly correlated in my view. A friendship can form regardless of if you have seen them naked or dressed in any other form…
Sexual experiences aren’t necessarily exclusive to a romantic relationship or a sexual relationship. Friendship can blossom from the most unexpected experiences and circumstances”

If Alfred Kinsey was alive today, I wonder if he would agree with his theory?

Studies prove that men think about sex much more than women, and are more susceptible to impulsive desire.

Women scoring much lower on tests.

All conducted studies have proven that men just think about sex more often.

One article by the BBC states the fact that “thoughts have no natural unit of measurement”.

Dissecting conscious and subconscious thought is the life work of psychologists, but the notion that our friendships, however intimate are chosen and consciously inspired is perhaps an idea that should be examined in further detail if our communities are to thrive successfully.

As teenager Jim Stark was on his way to school, his father exclaimed “choose your friends wisely

Did he really?

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